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Welcome To Our "Forwarded Pages
& Other Goodies" Section

Recipient: Cary Jeffries
Sender: Lisa S. 
Subject: DRUGGED BY MY PARENTS!

DRUGGED BY MY PARENTS!
A Classic Case of Common Since In Action! ~ Cary

The other day, someone at a store in our town read that a methamphetamine lab had been found in an old farmhouse in the adjoining county and he asked me a rhetorical question.

"Why didn't we have a drug problem when you and I were growing up?"

I replied, I had a drug problem when I was young:

I was drug to church on every Sunday morning.

I was drug to church, for weddings and funerals.

I was drug to family reunions and community socials no matter the weather.

I was drug by my ears when I was disrespectful to adults.

I was also drug to the woodshed when I disobeyed my parents, told a lie, brought home a bad report card, did not speak with respect, spoke ill of the teacher or the preacher, or if I didn't put forth my best effort in everything that was asked of me.

I was drug to the kitchen sink to have my mouth washed out with soap if I uttered a profanity.

I was drug out to pull weeds in mom's garden and flower beds and cockleburs out of dad's fields.

I was drug to the homes of family, friends, and neighbors to help out some poor soul who had no one to mow the yard, repair the clothesline, or chop some firewood; and, if my mother had ever known that I took a single dime as a tip for this kindness, she would have drug me back to the woodshed.

Those drugs are still in my veins and they affect my behavior in everything I do, say, or think.

They are stronger than cocaine, crack, or heroin; and, if today's children had this kind of drug problem, America would be a better place.

God bless the parents who drugged us.

Recipient: Cary Jeffries
Sender: Bonnie M. 
Subject: Asparagus - Who Knew?

Asparagus -- Who Knew?


 
                This is from a friend


                 My Mom had been taking the full-stalk canned style
                 asparagus that she pureed and she took 4 tablespoons in
                 the morning and 4 tablespoons later in the day. She did
                 this for over a month. She is on chemo pills for Stage 3
                 lung cancer in the pleural area and her cancer cell
                 count went from 386 down to 125 as of this past week.
                 Her oncologist said she does not need to see him for 3
                 months.
 
                 THE ARTICLE:
                Several years ago, I had a man seeking asparagus for a
                 friend who had cancer. He gave me a photocopied copy of
                 an article, entitled, Asparagus for cancer 'printed in
                 Cancer News Journal, December 1979. I will share it
                 here, just as it was shared with me: I am a biochemist,
                 and have specialized in the relation of diet to health
                 for over 50 years. Several years ago, I learned of the
                 discovery of Richard R. Vensal, D.D.S. that asparagus
                 might cure cancer. Since then, I have worked with him on
                 his project.  We have accumulated a number of favorable
                 case histories. Here are a few examples:

                 Case No. 1, A man with an almost hopeless case of
                 Hodgkin's disease (cancer of the lymph glands) who was
                 completely incapacitated. Within 1 year of starting the
                 asparagus therapy, his doctors were unable to detect any
                 signs of cancer, and he was back on a schedule of
                 strenuous exercise.
 
                 Case No. 2, a successful businessman 68 years old who
                 suffered from cancer of the bladder for 16 years. After
                 years of medical treatments, including radiation without
                 improvement, he went on asparagus. Within 3 months,
                 examinations revealed that his bladder tumor had
                 disappeared and that his kidneys were normal.
 
                 Case No. 3, a man who had lung cancer. On March 5th
                 1971, he was put on the operating table where they found
                 lung cancer so widely spread that it was inoperable. The
                 surgeon sewed him up and declared his case hopeless. On
                 April 5th he heard about the Asparagus therapy and
                 immediately started taking it By August, x-ray pictures
                 revealed that all signs of the cancer had disappeared..
                 He is back at his regular business routine.
 
                 Case No. 4, a woman who was troubled for a number of
                 years with skin cancer. She finally developed different
                 skin cancers which were diagnosed by the acting
                 specialist as advanced. Within 3 months after starting
                 on asparagus, her skin specialist said that her skin
                 looked fine and no more skin lesions. This woman
                 reported that the asparagus therapy also cured her
                 kidney disease, which started in 1949. She had over 10
                 operations for kidney stones, and was receiving
                 government disability payments for an inoperable,
                 terminal, kidney condition. She attributes the cure of
                 this kidney trouble entirely to the asparagus.
 
                 I was not surprised at this result, as `The elements of
                 material medica', edited in 1854 by a Professor at the
                  University of Pennsylvania , stated that asparagus was
                 used as a popular remedy for kidney stones. He even
                 referred to experiments, in 1739, on the power of
                 asparagus in dissolving stones. Note the dates!
                 We would have other case histories but the medical
                 establishment has interfered with our obtaining some of
                 the records. I am therefore appealing to readers to
                 spread this good news and help us to gather a large
                 number of case histories that will overwhelm the medical
                 skeptics about this unbelievably simple and natural remedy.
 
                 For the treatment, asparagus should be cooked before
                 using, and therefore canned asparagus is just as good as
                 fresh. I have corresponded with the two leading canners
                 of asparagus, Giant and Stokely, and I am satisfied that
                 these brands contain no pesticides or preservatives.
                 Place the cooked asparagus in a blender and liquefy to
                 make a puree, and store in the refrigerator. Give the
                 patient 4 full tablespoons twice daily, morning and
                 evening. Patients usually show some improvement in from
                 2-4 weeks. It can be diluted with water and used as a
                 cold or hot drink. This suggested dosage is based on
                 present experience, but certainly larger amounts can do
                 no harm and may be needed in some cases. As a biochemist
                 I am convinced of the old saying that `what cures can
                 prevent.' Based on this theory, my wife and I have been
                 using asparagus puree as a beverage with our meals. We
                 take 2 tablespoons diluted in water to suit our taste
                 with breakfast and with dinner. I take mine hot and my
                 wife prefers hers cold. For years we have made it a
                 practice to have blood surveys taken as part of our
                 regular checkups. The last blood survey, taken by a
                 medical doctor who specializes in the nutritional
                 approach to health, showed substantial improvements in
                 all categories over the last one, and we can attribute
                 these improvements to nothing but the asparagus drink.
                 As a biochemist, I have made an extensive study of all
                 aspects of cancer, and all of the proposed cures. As a
                 result, I am convinced that asparagus fits in better
                 with the latest theories about cancer.
 
                 Asparagus contains a good supply of protein called
                 histones, which are believed to be active in controlling
                 cell growth.. For that reason, I believe asparagus can
                 be said to contain a substance that I call cell growth
                 normalizer. That accounts for its action on cancer and
                 in acting as a general body tonic. In any event,
                 regardless of theory, asparagus used as we suggest, is a
                 harmless substance. The FDA cannot prevent you from
                 using it and it may do you much good. It has been
                 reported by the US National Cancer Institute, that
                 asparagus is the highest tested food containing
                 glutathione, which is considered one of the body's most
                 potent anticarcinogens and antioxidants.
 
                 Please send this article to everyone in your Address Book.
                  The most unselfish act one can ever do is paying forward
                 all the kindness one has received, even to the most undeserved
                 person.

Recipient: Cary Jeffries
Sender: Bugbrat. 
Subject; A Joke: Two Parrots 

Two Parrots

A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him,
"Father, I have a problem.

I have two female parrots, but they only say one
thing. They say, 'Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to
have some fun?' and keep repeating it all the time."

"That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed. Then he
thought a moment. "You know," he said, "I may have a
solution. I have two male talking parrots that I
have taught to pray and read the bible. Bring your
two over and we'll put them in the cage together and
Frank and Jacob will teach them to pray and worship."

"Thank you," the woman responded, "this may well be
 the solution."

The next day, she brought her female parrots to the
priest's house. As he ushered her in, she saw two
male parrots holding rosary beads and praying.
Impressed, she walked over and placed her two parrots
in with them.

After a few minutes, the female parrots cried out in
unison, "Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some
fun?" There was a stunned silence. Shocked, one male
parrot looked over at the other male parrot and
exclaimed, "Put the beads away, Frank. Our prayers have been answered!"


Recipient: Cary Jeffries
Sender: Bugbrat
Subject: Complaints!  

Complaints!

Kids don't know how good they have it...

When I was a kid adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious
diatribes about how hard things were when they were growing up; what
with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning uphill both
ways through year 'round blizzards carrying their younger siblings
on their backs to their one-room schoolhouse where they maintained a
straight-A average despite their full-time after-school job at the
local textile mill where they worked for 35 cents an hour just to
help keep their family from starving to death!

And I remember promising myself that when I grew up there was no way
in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on kids about
how hard I had it and how easy they've got it!

But....

Now that I've reached the ripe old age of thirty five, I can't help
but look around and notice the youth of today. You've got it so damn
easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a Utopia! And I hate
to say it but you kids today you don't know how good you've got it!

I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have The Internet--we wanted to
know something, we had to go to the library and look it up
ourselves!

And there was no email! We had to actually write somebody a letter
with a pen!-- and then you had to walk all the way across the street

and put it in the mailbox and it would take like a week to get there!

And there were no MP3s or Napsters! You wanted to steal music, you
had to go to the record store and shoplift it yourself! Or we had to wait 
around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ'd usually talk over the 
beginning and screw it all up!

You want to hear about hardship?

You couldn't just download porn! You had to bribe some homeless dude
to buy you a copy of "Hustler" at the 7-11!

Those were your options!

We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal!

And we didn't have fancy Caller ID Boxes either! When the phone
rang, you had no idea who it was, it could be your boss, your mom, a
collections agent, your drug dealer, you didn't know!!! You just had
to pick it up and take your chances, mister!

And we didn't have any fancy Sony Play station videogames with
high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like
"Space Invaders" and "Asteroids" and the graphics sucked ass! Your
guy was a little square! You had to use your imagination! And there were
no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen forever! And
you could never win, the game just kept getting harder and faster until
you died!

Just like LIFE!

When you went to the movie theater there no such thing as stadium
seating! All the seats were the same height! A tall guy sat in front
of you, you were screwed!

And sure, we had cable television, but back then that was only like
20 channels and there was no onscreen menu! You had to use a 
little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on!

And there was no Cartoon Network! You could only get cartoons on
Saturday morning... ...D'ya hear what the hell I'm saying!?! We had
to wait ALL WEEK, you spoiled little bastards!

That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it
too easy You're spoiled, I swear to God! You guys wouldn't last five
minutes back in 1983!

 
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